Birth has become a political issue; in more ways than one. The government has taken over our birthing rights to allegedly “protect mothers and babies” and not many are questioning it; the mamas, the midwives, the doulas. Birth is a natural, human right-but it’s gotten to the point that, especially with licensing, it’s become a “privilege”.

Many women aren’t questioning the most crucial issues-from ultrasounds to inductions. No one is asking questions. Mothers, midwives and doulas all over are just subscribing to the substandard set of ideas and rules that have come to govern birth…without asking, “Why?”

Why does birth need to be governed, other than by the mama herself?

Why has the fear taken over in every capacity to the point that birth workers are afraid of “breaking the law” for simply educating their clients with the truth about interventions or the natural process? Where did we lose sight of our job, our mission? Which is, as I see it, the ability and commitment to educating women and supporting them about and through what is the physiological process of birth and mothering. If we find fear in speaking the truth, we cannot serve women effectively, if at all.

If our jobs have become just to appease the system, and the mothers in the system, what good are we really? If we’re just gonna stand by and support fearful choices that have no basis in science or reality, then what good are we?

Frankly, I am pretty mad about the whole thing. I have had enough of tiptoeing around what we think we are “supposed” to say when a woman asks about pharmaceutical induction, or any induction, or heck even breastfeeding or jaundice. We are supposed to err on the side of caution, not giving her any real information about the risks, protecting ourselves and forgetting that we ALL have the god-given right of birthing how we choose.

We are giving our inherent power as women and mothers away every time we don’t take the opportunity to remind women of the way our bodies are set up to do this. This does not mean that birth is perfect always or that every mom and baby will have a physiologial birth-that’s reality. But the chances of bringing birth back to it’s roots and preparing women to be instinctive mothers is that much easier, and that much rewarding, if we acknowledge the truth.

I’m not saying that all women can’t be treated without compassion, no matter what their choices are. We must find a way to understand the deeper reasons and rationale for why we are,collectively, where we are. But I think we owe it to ALL women to not pretend like it’s OK to accept anything less. To believe that we need to, without question, accept all the “rules” and false cultural assumptions around birth.

I am definitely concerned.

So, how do we politically UNcorrect birth? We stop putting up with the lies. When we are asked about interventive births, we speak the truth. We are honest, not nasty, but we get over having to make every woman feel “OK” about the choices she has made. It’s her choice to feel ok about them regardless of our opinion; all we can do, when asked, is to remind her about what we know about the way birth DOES work. But if we are choosing to be in a position of education or support, we have got to stop pretending.

It’s become all about a woman’s “choice” to induce or not, to consent to a repeat c/section because she’s had one before, or a million other examples. I won’t deny that there ARE choices, but a true choice cannot be made while ignoring the evidence for HOW and WHY physiological birth is preferable and desirable. When a woman learns or is taught the way the body works, the way the intricate hormones work, the way mama/baby are genetically interested in surviving, she then has a basis to make a choice.

Because there IS a way that birth is programmed to go. There IS a way that we are set up to birth and mother our babes, and I argue that it is not up for debate, opinion, or making any woman feel justified in uneducated choices. I have lost all tolerance for these scenarios, because without speaking the truth to all women, we are all becoming lost.

Take the time to determine what YOU want- This is YOUR birth. Excited family and friends may want to share this experience with you for a variety of reasons. How do you envision yourself birthing? In a quiet room with only a few people, or in your living room with a lot of activity going on around you? (Consider that every “extra” person may add additional time to your labor).

Let your body FEEL what it would feel like to have this person present- I thank Laura Shanley, author of “Unassisted Childbirth” for this great idea. Think of someone you are considering inviting and notice the reaction in your body. Does it feel tense and scared? Or are your relaxed and open? Sometimes our brains want one thing, and our bodies know another. The woman in labor is SO much more sensitive than normal to energies present, not only in the room, but in the entire home. This is an important tool when a potential invitee says, for example, that they are supportive about homebirth; but their energy (and your response to it) is anything but positive.

What is the job/jobs that this person is being invited to do? From experience, I have come to believe that IF you are going to ask extra people to be present at your labor and birth, you MUST have a role for them to fill. This gives them an activity, allows them to feel useful and important, and gives you the peace of mind that everybody is occupied and less focused on what you are doing and when. Examples are someone purely for childcare, someone to be in the kitchen cooking and preparing, someone to take pictures, etc. Consider that the average person, standing around at a labor without a job to do, may exhibit and give off an impatient or anxious energy.

Consider not making the “final cut” until you are in labor- It can feel good and supportive to have a list of people that may be available to come to your birth. However, depending on timing, work schedules, etc. you may not know who will be there for sure anyway until the time arrives. It is my suggestion to let people know that you MAY call them, but you also may NOT call them. This may not avoid the element of disappointment, but anyone that knows anything about labor or birth will respect that those decisions are often what feels right at the time. Let us know who you are considering, and we will be sure to ask you if you want them there when you are in labor. I’ve found, though, more often than not, that a big party list is usually pared down (or ignored) by the mom once serious labor begins.

Your birth does not have to be someone else’s healing…but it can be. This one is interesting. I’ve seen women who haven’t had their own homebirths be invited to one and be completely changed. A miraculous, eye-opening experience that provides immense healing. Or, the person you invite who you WANT to see a beautiful homebirth and remains unchanged. Bottom line-you invite who you want with you, with little to no expectations of what your birth will “do” for them. If something amazing occurs as a result, that’s wonderful. But focus on you, your family, and the birth of your baby rather than the needs or well-being of anyone that would like to attend.

Being at a birth is just one way to be part of the experience! For those that don’t make the birth or who would be better suited elsewhere, think of all the opportunities for them to be intimately involved! There is childcare (of older children), helping out around your house, starting and activating a meal tree, postpartum massage, etc. Look at your list of who wants to help or be present and assign as many as you can to help AFTER the baby is here. You don’t need help birthing your baby, but you’d probably love the help with everything else after!

As always, these are tips and things I have learned and personally experienced. Feel free to discuss with me your choices for birth and make your own decisions. If there is one thing I believe, it is that the right people are always at the birth! Sometimes you don’t know who that will be, but it always works out.

I physically and emotionally cannot compromise right now about birth. My views on unhindered, physiological birth and mothering aren’t just “views”-they are the blueprint running through my veins in every moment of anticipating my own birth journey. This is my birthright (and yours too) and I feel every inch of it. With my babe on just the cusp of entering, I am feeling every emotional and energetic shift and nuance. On a regular basis I prepare my body, mind and psyche for being blown open, yet again. Being around my pregnant clients is lending itself to this intense woman-to-woman connected-ness. Being around pregnant women in general has caused me to lose all filter, all the nuances of “proper” political behavior in favor of the truth.

I find myself in this place of rawness; and in interaction with mamas in our childbirth class (which is free, open to the public and definitely not attended only by homebirthers) there is no filter on my experience or knowledge to comfort them on the road they are choosing to walk. Those that choose midwife/doctor “in charge” birth, where women sit on the sidelines and watch as decisions are made for them. Where there is no respect for the power of pregnancy, the mystery of birth and of the entity “motherbaby”.

I literally cannot take it anymore. In potential client interviews, I find myself weeding out more mamas than not. I hear my rawness as I answer their questions, and watch them flinch as I say that responsibility in birth is theirs. That it always has been and always will be, no matter how it looks from the outside. I see the fear in some women’s eyes as she realizes, knowing deep down, there is no need to be rescued by anyone. When I tell them that they should be the first ones to touch their babe, that there is no “delivery” by me (under normal circumstances) I see their confusion. Many want, on a subconscious level, to believe that the rawness of birth, the unknown of birth, is something that they can have someone else do for them. I make no apologies for correcting this and it dismays me how many women still do not see the truth.

I know that most women are not ready for these truths, and there are many places and other ways to “have a baby” where they can continue to avoid facing the amazingness of their own power. I’m sad for this; yet I know that a change is coming. A time and place, soon, when women wake up. When they demand to be treated only with respect and reverence, when they insist that the government have no place in their bodies, births or babies. It’s coming, and I pray it comes quickly.

Until then, I, like many others, soldier on. Day after day, believing that it’s worth it to remind women of their inherent wisdom. Worth it to remind them that birth is a shedding of the many skins we wear; and that under these skins is the truth that we’ve buried somewhere.

Women are strong, babies are wise and birth almost always works perfectly. There is no one, no one that knows more about her own process than the actual woman on the verge of bringing a soul earthside through her own body. There is no place for power transfer, no matter what the situation. Mamas and babies deserve the best, the absolute best of their own knowing and they deserve whatever support, in whatever form they deem unnecessary, as they continue their journey from pregnancy to birth to postpartum. That the wisdom we possess is in danger of being lost to fear; and that all we must do is see that and accept it.
Blessings to the mamas that hold the power; and to all my sisters that serve these mamas as well through adversity. You are all held in my heart.

It was the night of August 12 at 11pm. Krow and I had just got home from dinner at my sister’s house. I was in the kitchen making my now 15 month old Kenzie a bottle of milk and I felt my water break. This time, I felt the sensation I had been expecting when it did happen and I became so excited. I became so full of joy that I was going to meet my new baby soon and find out if he/she was Zeus or Lexi. It wasn’t the same kind of excited I had experienced with Kenzie though. I was nervous my first time and felt anxious. There was no grabbing the bags and rushing out the door as fast as we could to get to the hospital. There was no anxiety of an eventual time crunch or from the feeling of being told what I had to do. I was excited because I knew that there would be an enlightening journey ahead of me. I was going to have another baby and although I didn’t know what to expect from my home birth, I knew what to not expect, and that was being pressured to go against my birth plan. I was in charge this time.

I had been waiting for this moment to happen for 2 weeks. Even though my due date was still a day away, I was sure earlier in my pregnancy that my child would arrive 2 weeks early like Kenzie had. If I would have had bet on it, I would have put my money on August 1st. So I was ready… First, I told Krow. Specifically, I remember telling him, “Uh honey- I think my water just broke”. I checked the fluid to make sure it was clear. It was, so then I called my sister Tara and told her the news. I called my Mom and she told me to go to bed. I called my good friend Annalisa. She didn’t answer but she arrived at my house not even 20 minutes later. Then I texted my midwife, Maryn. It was late and she has 5 children that I was pretty sure were sleeping. I felt no real sense of urgency like I had with Kenzie. I thought, if Maryn gets my text, then great but if not, I would just call her if things progressed quickly. My contractions hadn’t started yet. Remembering my birth experience with Kenzie, I recalled that walking was a good thing to bring contractions on. So Annalisa and I went on a walk. During the walk, I didn’t have any contractions, but my hips hurt so bad from being pregnant and tired. When we finally got home I was relieved. I took my Mom’s advice and went to sleep.

I wouldn’t say that I slept soundly throughout the night though. My contractions did eventually start and I remember them coming about 4 times an hour. They were not intense or painful. They were just there. There enough for me to know I was actually beginning labor. The next morning had arrived quickly and I was still tired. I remember getting up and socializing with Krow and Annalisa for a while. I spoke to Maryn on the phone. She told me she was there for me and would be here when I wanted her to come. I spoke to Tara and told her things were mild. I told both of them they didn’t have to come over just yet. I felt like I had a big event in front of me and I was so tired still. I just wanted to rest. So I did. I took a nice, long morning nap with Kenzie. My contractions were consistent, but not long through my nap. They were more intense than the ones I had through the night, though I did get some good sleep. I believe I slept until like two in the afternoon. It was a contraction that woke me up from my nap though. It definitely reminded me what labor felt like.

I actually felt refreshed when I woke up from my nap. I knew I was progressing because my contractions were becoming more frequent. I guess I just lounged around the house and watched TV for an hour or two. I remember having really bad indigestion and not wanting to eat anything. I never threw up but I definitely had an upset stomache. Around 4pm my contractions were becoming pretty intense. They were coming closer together and increasing in intensity. If I had to put a timestamp on it I would say I was still at the beginning of labor. I just didn’t know though. With Kenzie, the contractions were so painful. I got the epidural at 4cm so I never got to feel active labor really. All I had was the memory of having her and what that felt like to guide me along through this one. so even though my contractions were becoming stronger, I wouldn’t say they were painful like I remembered. I knew I was moving right along though. I called my sister to come over then.

When she arrived just more of the same happened. We were just hanging around the house. Tara was timing my contractions and Annalisa was keeping Kenzie busy. I called Maryn too, but let her know everything was still under control and not to come over yet. I remember Krow making nachos for everyone, however I only had a bite because of my indigestion. I was now regretting all the excellent home made fried chicken I ate that Krow made the night before. This memory is the last before it all becomes fuzzy. At that point I was transitioning into labor mode, where all that was around me was not really there. Or maybe I was not really there completely.

I guess it was around 6pm and my contractions were coming on close and strong. I began to get a bit irritable. If I stood through it, it was uncomfortable. If I sat on the couch, it was uncomfortable. If I layed in the bed, it was uncomfortable. If I sat on the birthball, it was uncomfortable. It still wasn’t painful like with Kenzie though, not yet. I kept thinking I was going to be in labor forever. I expected the pain level to surpass Kenzie’s birth ten fold and based on that, I thought I had a long way to go. My pants were also irritating. I remember changing them like three or four times then finally taking them off and hanging out in my undies. I was really in my own conciousness then. I felt full of calmness. I yearned to go outside… so I did.

I sat on the back porch for the rest of my labor. I found the best laboring chair ever! Just a simple metal frame patio chair with a cushion. I guess it looked like the number 5 without the top horizontal line. Anyway, it bounced a little bit, but not too much. Everytime a contraction would happen, I remember just rocking in the chair until it was over. It was such an excellent way to handle the energy from the contractions. In the back of my mind I was still a bit concerned about the pain or more specifically, the lack of it. I just tried not to focus on that though. My body was just so full of energy. The night sky was now above and the full moon shone bright. The sky was filled with hundreds of different colors. I felt I was in a deep spiritual realm- just like trippin’ on mushrooms. Now everyone might think I’m crazy for saying labor feels like trippin’ on mushrooms but I swear that it is the only feeling I can even relate to what I felt that night. Everything was intense, the colors, my senses, my contractions. My mood was especially calm though. I recall imagining a huge purple orchid opening up everytime a contraction happened, of course symbolizing my cervix opening up, but I could actually envision this flower perfectly. I could see its color, its texture. It was as if it were real and right in front of me. I was not in the same reality as the rest of the people at my house.

I just sat out on the back porch and labored on, in my own world… and then Tara and Annalisa brought me back, which was a good thing. They told me my contractions were about 90 seconds long and around 30 seconds apart, which by the books would mean that the baby’s coming, and they asked me if they should call Maryn. I still felt ok though. I kept wondering when the pain was going to come on hard. Since I didn’t think it was happening yet, I told them no. I did notice though that Krow was filling up the pool. It was apparent to me that they all felt like it was getting close. I was in labor with Kenzie for almost three days though, and plus the pain wasn’t even all that bad…

I remember the last four or so contractions before they stopped. The pain was finally intensifying. The extreme pinching sensation I had remembered from Kenzie’s birth still wasn’t there though, just a strong, long, deep pressure with each contraction. I held my sister’s hand through them. I held Annalisa’s hand too. I breathed through them. Although I was pretty much on a different planet, I still had memories of Kenzie’s birth in my conscious brain. I remembered I wasn’t supposed to push until fully dilated. I guess I just decided to trust in myself that my body would let me know when it was time. I was content with the way things were going so far, but at that point in my labor, I truly thought the worst was still ahead of me. It was going to be a long night.

Then my contractions stopped. They just stopped. Maybe I should have been concerned about this or at least should have questioned this. Maybe I should have told someone or called Maryn. Sitting under the light of the full moon on that warm summer night though, I just put my head back because I knew everything was fine and it felt so good to rest. I felt so relaxed that I could have fallen asleep. Maybe I did for a minute or two or ten. I don’t know, I was just in a total labor trance.

I don’t know how long the contractions stopped for, maybe five, maybe ten minutes. All I know was that it was needed and cherished. Then all of the sudden, out of no where, my belly started contracting violently. I mean, I was trying to relax and breathe like before but my stomache was literally shaking. Then it happened again like immediately. Tara and Annalisa were asking me if I wanted to get in the pool and call Maryn. I thought that would be a good idea. I felt dazed and confused but I eventually got up and again, another convulsing contraction started. Now that I was upright I felt the overwhelming urge to push when the contraction hit. That’s why my stomache was shaking! It was now time for this baby to come out! It was time to push! It was time to call Maryn (like 20 minutes ago)!!!!

On the very short walk, maybe 20 feet, from my back porch to my dining room where the pool was set up, I had two contractions that made me push. The only relief from the contractions was to squat down and PUSH!! They happened so close together, maybe just ten seconds apart. The instant the second one ended I literally jumped in the pool. I looked up at Krow, Tara, and Annalisa and they were all white faced with their mouths hanging open because they all thought I almost just had my baby on the floor, only a foot outside the pool.

The water was so relieving. It really took the pressure off. I was able to squat down low in the pool and it was a perfect position for birthing. I can’t believe that I layed flat on my back the first time. Maryn and Margo arrived during my next contraction. I remember looking up to say hi, but I was very much still in my own world. I thought to myself, when the next contraction comes I will push him/her out. I pushed so hard, but no baby yet. The baby’s head was there but I underestimated the size of my baby. My due date was one day away, not two weeks early like Kenzie. So I thought to myself, push harder! The harder I push, the quicker I will get to meet my baby. Also, the longer I push for, the more tired I will become, so lets do this now. The next contraction came and so did the head. I rested for a second. The last contraction came and so did the rest.

I just birthed my baby! I did it! Krow was in the water with me. I’m not sure when he got in, but he caught the baby. He checked and told me we just had a boy. I didn’t know if he was telling the truth or not. I was in disbelief too. I wanted to have a boy, but I really thought I was going to have a girl. I looked down to see boy parts. The feeling was indescribable. I just held him for a few minutes sitting in the pool, with Krow holding me, just resting for a moment. I felt so proud, so capable. It was such an empowering feeling. I loved Zeus so much for giving me this experience. I just held him on my belly a little longer.

Afterwards, I could feel myself returning back to reality with every passing second. I became aware of all the people there. Kenzie awoke. Krow, Tara, and Annalisa were there looking like they just went through all I just did. Maryn and Margo were there observing myself and Zeus. My sister in law Kathy arrived. I felt so supported and even though there were quite a few people there, I knew and loved all of them. Everyone was wanted and welcome. I was in my own house, in my space. I went to my own bed and showered in my shower. Birthing at home was the best decision I ever could have made for me. My son was perfect. The mood was perfect. Everything was perfect.

Looking back on my homebirth experience makes me regret going to the hospital for my first. I learned from myself that women are capable of giving birth without pain meds, without interventions, if they have confidence in themselves and trust their bodies. During my pregnancy with Zeus, I purposefully avoided reading about labor. When I read the book What to Expect When You’re Expecting when I was pregnant with Kenzie, I became fearful of everything, ultimately leading me to choose having a hospital birth over a homebirth. With Zeus, I didn’t want to know what natural birth ‘should’ be like. I wanted to create my own experience. In retrospect, I came to learn that my amazing homebirth was almost textbook as far as natural birth goes. It just goes to show that what birthing mamas really need is to believe in themselves, to trust their instincts, and to just know that their bodies are capable.

You may know not your strength…yet. But I do. And I want to tell you that you are not only strong, but capable of anything. Anything at all. You will know this to be true once you have gone through the initiation of labor and birth. But since you aren’t there quite yet, I want to let you in on a few things.

First, please consider your beliefs about birth. Let your memory roam, remember words and pictures and stories that give you some hints about what you already know. It can be hard when the mainstream world has so much fear and disbelief about natural birth, but sometimes we absorb some of these things even though we think we haven’t.

Deep deep down…what do you believe about birth to be true? Is there somewhere, hiding down below, that thinks you can’t do this? That your body isn’t perfect to birth this baby, that you need help or someone to do it for you? In the safety of your own mind and soul, find what is true for you. If these deep beliefs are unsettling to you, or scare you, know that you are not alone. Birth is an unknown for the first-timer, and there are always doubts. But, know that you have the time and space to change these beliefs. In the months preceeding labor, it is possible to sincerely alter what you believe. Acknowledge now that they can and will affect your labor, for better or for worse, but that they are not permanent.

I am perfect and whole and can birth this baby easily at home. My body is made to birth and my baby is made to be born.

Next, consider assessing the “skeletons in the closet” that may be lurking. The biggest one-sexual issues, history or sexual abuse, or anything of the like. Even if your memories are from long ago, check your feelings on this one. How does it make you feel to see birth as a sexual event? Of course, not every woman has to see it this way to have a normal or joyful birth. However, the avoidance of admitting this is a possibility for your body may be a clue that you need to pay attention. Birth is the extension of conception-both literally and figuratively. The sensations and energy in birth and babymaking are so similar-both involve opening up, surrendering, and remaining relaxed to receive bodily sensations that could easily be interpreted as “pain” by someone who is not able to receive or relax.

I surrender to the sensations and I am open to feeling this baby move through me and I open my body to allow this to happen-easily and effortlessly.

Midwives are not psychotherapists-so I won’t pretend to be one-but I have seen that there are some key components to a first-timers birth that “flows”. Do you trust yourself, your body? Some women do, unconditionally. Many, many women do not. Where this comes from…who knows exactly…maybe our parents, our experiences in the medical world, our entrance into womanhood, our sexual experience/issues (there’s that again!) Think back on these experiences. Was your body sabotaging itself? Or is it possible to see that, even in the face of trauma or chaos, your body did make the “right” choice, or perhaps was trying to convey a message to you? I believe that a true trust in the body is perhaps the key. Not always to a “perfect” birth (whatever that is) but to acceptance of the process and the outcome.

Now, to the obvious but necessary encouragement. Women have been birthing babies forever, really. At any given moment, hundreds of thousands of women are doing just that-birthing babies in fields, at home, in the hospital, in cars, in trains, in planes. At the simplest level, it is a respectable process. Not perfect, but nearly so…And there is no reason that YOU should be any different. Especially if you are healthy and your baby is healthy-there is little reason to believe that birth will do anything but flow beautifully–especially if you do your part, of course.

Last but not least, find your center. Find your religion, your God, your Goddess, whatever can ground you and center you. Birth is the work of mysticism, no matter what your beliefs are–it is amazing and changeable and mysterious. Sometimes we can’t put our finger on why or how things happen, but we do our part and trust in Divinity that all is as it should be. We do our work around birth, we believe in ourselves and our bodies and our babies, and then we let it all go. Birth does not work through the mind, anyway, but the heart and soul. The experiences we have in birth, whether “positive” or “negative” aren’t 100% a reflection of our inner state. A lot of the time, they are, but we can’t neglect that there are lessons to be learned (some of which we resist learning) AND that the baby in our body has his OWN soul and mission in this world. We do everything we can to do our part to ensure we get the birth we “want”-but really, we get the birth we need.

I am beautiful and powerful. I embrace this. I am open and receptive to birth, and I acknowledge that I cannot control the process but that it will flow just as it needs to.

I serve my clients and nothing more.

And that’s the irony; being threatened with not being able to serve women here in Arizona, but at the same time gaining so much empowerment and clarity about what “serving” means and how no one, ever can truly take that away from me. So the “threat” as a subtle reminder every few days, whether it comes from my own mind/fear or actual documents I need to compile for my team of lawyers. Yet, interspersed with the most amazing, beautiful births that I have ever had the honor of witnessing. These women that astound me their power. And I realize, it is all as it should be. It isn’t really “irony”-it’s more the Universe showing me what’s real. The monkey-work that midwives are supposed to do…not real. The thinking that licensing does anything at all beneficial for birth…not real. Women that can birth their own babies and allow me to support them…real. The fact that there IS birth without fear, and that this is my goal…real.

There is no regulation, no rule that can make me into the midwife that THEY want me to be. The women call, and to them I listen.

At these births, the midwife is one with the woman. There is no need to intervene or interfere or do ANYTHING at all for my own selfish reasons, my own benefit, the rules and regulations. Because the woman tells me what she needs and wants; or rather, in our connectedness, she rarely needs to utter a word. Most of the time it is just to hold that space. That sacred, sacred space that is otherworldly and knows not of unwarranted blood pressure readings, or cervical checks or anything at all that is not requested or desired by the woman. There is no space for that in this world, and one of the last births I witnessed brought confirmation of this fact.

Women (in general) have forgotten what birth really is. So, those that control (typically men, but not always) found a way to control one of the few things in this life that is uncontrollable–birth. And while they were at it, developing all these rules and regulations about what birth is and what it must always look like, women forgot they had power and knowledge and accepted this control.

That’s the short story as to how we got where we are now. Women are allowing their births to be controlled, hence the licensing of midwives and the subjectivity of birth and midwives to the Western medical (fear) system. And midwives are no better. This legal/State situation has taught me the Truth. Many midwives, especially here, will laugh and cackle. They think I am in some dream state about birth, but I have been shown the Truth. It’s that women don’t need us. Women do not need me. Not really, and not mostly. Our “titles” as midwives, whatever relationship or status we think we hold in the medical world is false. Because we are not medicine men, we are not doctors; and everything that has been built around the idea that birth is medical is false and needs to crumble. I see women waking up and I pray that we watch it crumble before our daughters are at their birth-times.

A beautiful story illustrates my point. Gorgeous, perfect birth recently. Like many of the women I serve, this is not a “client”, she is a sister in spirit and soul. The most meaningful insightful thing came from her mother, who had witnessed the birth. She told me, that she had never, ever considered that birth could be so unhindered. She was flabbergasted, amazed at her daughter’s raw strength and intuition to birth her baby without any interference. She (having known me for several years now) commented that at first she was nervous..she wanted to be reassured that everything was “OK”. She wanted me to “do” something. Caught off guard by the lack of my physical and spiritual interference in her daughter’s labor, she too had to learn to trust. She too, at her age, learned to trust in birth. She too, had to tune into the laboring woman to look for clues. It brought tears to my eyes when she said, “I did not know birth could happen without someone’s hand up there or near there”.

It was then I realized that slowly, generation by generation, we have lost what birth is.

Being quite the intelligent woman, this grandmother/mother could also see the ripple effect that the birth had had on both her daughter and new grandbaby. In contrast to her daughter’s previous birth, this time she did not witness trauma and interference because of ego (and YES, it was a homebirth!)…she also did not witness any drama. She did not witness any bleeding, tearing or excessive healing time like last time. Putting the pieces together in her head, it was still crazy to her that all the “nothing” this time equalled “something”. She saw her daughter, I think, in a whole new light. As an even more radiant and amazing being who did her work, her personal journey, to enable herself to trust SO much that her body knew nothing but how to birth perfectly and efficiently.

It’s that simple. We do our work as women, we work through our fears and issues because we know THAT is what holds us back from blissful birth. And as midwives, we attend to THAT process, and simply step out of the way when it’s birth-time. There are no rules and numbers that can quantify how simple and how beautiful and perfect birth is nearly every time we leave fear behind. Let’s find ways to bring women back to this; the fear-control system that has risen up stands no chance against a fearless, powerful woman in charge of her birth.

The one thing about her, probably the only thing, that I did not like was she seemed to be a little possessive about the moms she cared for. At first, it was kind of cool to be part of this “club”. But, the farther I got from her care, I realized that her words made me uncomfortable. I didn’t notice this until after I had birthed my baby gloriously at home; and I think this makes sense. Once I experienced that, I realized I could do anything! I wasn’t anybody’s “mama” or “patient”. I practically birthed the baby before the midwife even got there, and I don’t feel now like I probably needed her there at all. But I learned a lot. Many things, as I mentioned, that I carry with me to this day. But her use of language, her ownership of these mamas and their babes and their births, it something I have intentionally gone out of my way to not re-create as I work with women.

So, “work with women”…maybe there is even a more empowered way to say that. “Walk with women”? I tend to use that too. I hate the use of the word “practice” ( I am not “practicing” on someone, and I do not have a doctor’s office!) unless I am talking to another midwife or “professional”. Probably the worst (and this wasn’t one my midwife used, but I hate it nonetheless) is “deliver”. I tend to visibly cringe when people use that word, or gently correct a family member who wants to praise me for “delivering” their granddaughter. I usually laugh, and make purposeful reference to the dad or whomever else might have “received” the baby.

Words are so powerful. What I use or engage in affects not only these women and their families but also myself. It truly affects my role with these families, the space I create, and the “deep down” reason that I am there. Deep down, it is to witness. To witness transformation, to witness a soul coming earthside, to witness a ceremony. To belittle any of this to “doing a birth” is just not who I am, or the kind of energy that I want to put forth as a midwife.

Because to me, as a woman, it is essential that the mamas and babes receive every bit of support and love that reminds them they have everything they need. My role is not to prescribe or diagnose, but to guide and support. I do think that I tend to see mostly beautiful births because of this attitude (and aside from the fact that birth works, as long as we don’t get in the way!) and because the women that seek me as their midwife already feel this way. They are not looking for me to own them, or make decisions for them. I may be her midwife but she is not mine; we are a team working to create the vision that she will “birth”.

Just weeks from being due, we decided to work together. This mama, new to town and without much. Exuding a confidence and earthiness about birth that I wish I saw more often. Feeling instantly good about this connection and this birth, I looked forward to getting to know her.

There was no prenatal care, per se. Not in the 2 1/2 weeks from when we met to birth. A few meetings, where we’d talk about birth and babies, how she envisioned this birth and a lesson here and there about the “technical things”-listening to the baby’s heartbeat and talking about baby’s position. The getting together of supplies and was expected of me. Not as “midwife” but guide. No records, no charts, no tests. Lots of talking and information, but nothing that would confine either of us to boundaries of the “system”. A true blessing to have this opportunity, for she and I. Birth as it used to be. One woman helping another, but leaving the decisions and responsibility 100% up to her.

Unexpected development 3 weeks prior to the “due date”. A releasing of the waters, a true gush. No contractions. One of the tests of courage, of trust and faith. On both of our parts, and of the baby as well. One day…turned into 2….than 3…when finally some contractions on the 4th day. Explicit instructions on preventing infection, and a downright refusal in both of our minds to even think about any kind of internal exam. We talked about the risks, looked at the studies we could both find, and kept going. This mama, so strong and intuitive, realized the situation she was in. After facing her fear, she even said to me, “So, if I go into the hospital to be induced, I’m just trading these risks in for a different set, right?” She could not have said it better, and I completely supported her decision to wait it out or go in for antibiotics and/or an induction. However, never was it as clear to me how strong a baby’s presence can be before birth. Realizing that this baby did not want to be forced out just because of some rule, but rules aside–the mama’s choice remained to wait, watch and see. She taught me so much, and in her I found the strength and common sense to remain fearless. Not that birth is perfect; we must realize that death is on the other side. But that risk of death is only made more real to us when we are presented with these kinds of situations….sure, she COULD get an infection, but with careful attention to hygiene and signs and symptoms, she likely would not. It made me see, once again, how clearly infused with fear that the medical world is. Even as midwives, we must serve women among this fear; and sometimes it is debilitating.

So, by the fourth night there were contractions. Nothing serious, and nothing terribly new as she had been having contractions on and off the last few weeks. At 4:30 am the next morning, she texted me to say things were intensifying. When asked to come over an hour later, I did so to find her laboring beautifully in bed. The 3 hours that followed were beautiful and magical; we greeted the desert sun together outside, sitting in the sand. I helped her to the shower, or threw down a blue pad when she changed positions. She never asked me to listen to the baby, and it all felt right. I could see the baby moving between contractions, and her communication with this babe throughout was a great testament to paying attention to that versus any heart rate monitor.

I busied myself with getting her supplies in order, and tried to linger longer outside her bedroom to give her what I think is much needed space while in labor. When asked, I’d make a suggestion and basically just kept encouraging her. That it probably wouldn’t be much longer, and that she was doing an amazing job.

As the labor came to it’s last bit, I sat outside in the bright sunlight, right outside her room. A close friend had come, and I thought that their time alone might finish off this labor business! I practiced the art of listening, rather than watching a woman labor. I heard the familiar sounds, even the words she said, and felt the timing of re-entering the space. Sure, enough, as I walked in, she told me the baby was coming. Throwing down another towel near her, I kneeled down to her baby’s head beginning to emerge.

Looking spaced-out, yet focused and completely calm, I asked her to reach down and feel her baby’s head. I asked her to let the head emerge gently and to then wait for the baby to turn and get her shoulders out before bringing her up. At the same time, I reached for the camera and got some pretty amazing shots of the baby’s head out, with a bright blue, pulsing cord. After about a minute of rest, the rest of the baby was born. Instead of lifting her right up, she placed the baby down in front of her. It only took a couple of seconds before she picked her up..”my baby, my baby”. Pink and perfect and wonderful, sweet one. Born peacefully at home with only her mama to thank. The way birth should be. Not necessarily perfect (well, in clinical terms, anyway!) but absolutely perfect, really.

Anyone that doesn’t think that babies PICK their birth date and time, well, I don’t know what to say about that! It takes these perfect little souls to remind me, time and time again, that the timing and way of birth is always perfect.

And so this mama moves on…turns out she was only passing through, on her way to somewhere else, only stopping in our tiny town to birth her daughter. I will miss this mama and baby; though only a short time elapsed, the effect this has had on my heart is long lasting.

Last night, as closing to my quiet/meditation time, I felt called to draw one of my Goddess cards. There are at least 45 cards in this deck, and it never ceases to amaze me how just the right one, the absolute most perfect card is always drawn. My usual intention when drawing is that I choose the goddess who has something to say to me in my life right now, the one who’s advice I could benefit from the most. I realized rather quickly the myraid of ways that this card is meaningful to me right now and I wanted to share with you what Changing Woman has shown me, both as a mother and a midwife.

First, and most importantly, was the realization that -wow-I really am being initiated here, I really am totally in my being and purpose in this world and that yes, this I am coming into my true-ness as a woman in ways I never dreamed of. Being a midwife is just the tip of the iceberg, really. I’ve always known that I am meant to do this, birth babies and be witness to other women birthing babies. I do truly know that it is inevitable for me to be part of the life cycle.

What I didn’t know, at least until recently, is how full and varied my role on this path really is. For better or for worse, my role as midwife goes beyond the birthing of babies. I am shown each day, with this legal battle, that I am living my truth. It would have been easier, it would have been nicer to just back down and ignore the adversity, to just bury my head in the sand to all the political-ness of this calling, and ignore it. But I could not do that. And I will not do that. I have never been so sure in my life that this “change” is who I really am. Not combative, but responsive. And able to see that my true dedication is to these mamas and to myself. Not the government or really anything else.

I am being shown the ancient story, the real meaning of midwife, and I am in the midst of so many changes to be able to fully acknowledge her. There is no where in my life right now where Changing Woman could be anymore appropriate. And thanks to all the peripheral drama, I am indeed finding the wisdom and strength. I am not sorry that any of this has occurred, if anything, I am grateful for the opportunity to find myself even more completely. I do not know exactly where all this change will bring me, but I know that I am supported and protected. Changing Woman has the wisdom to see that it is not about her versus any opponent. It is about her coming into her ultimate woman form, knowing that any and all “opponents” will be unable to stand the truth and light that emanate from that perfection.

There is nothing I need to “do”, other than fully be present in this “ceremony” of finding my way either through, in or above “the system”. Thank you, Changing Woman.

On a different note, there has been some physical change in my life as well lately and I have appreciated the support of Changing Woman. I hadn’t had a postpartum bleed after Belgium was born (she’s 14 months) and I actually haven’t bled at all in 5 years!!! Seriously. From one pregnancy to nursing to the next pregnancy. I had forgotten what having a period was like!

Well, that all changed about a month ago. I had a vivid dream of getting pregnant, actually birthing this baby boy that came out with his clothes on! The next week, I dreamt again, but this time of miscarrying, of bleeding and bleeding. My dreams tend to be prophetic, but not always. However, I felt the truth in these two dreams. Sure enough, my expected date for my period came and went. And went. Knowing I was or had been pregnant, but truly not feeling very pregnant, other than this heaviness. Oh, the changes. Not ones I necessarily wanted to experience….eventually started to spot, for several days, knowing what “change” lay ahead and going through all the stages of grief. This weird journey of knowing there really was no longer a baby there, yet having to physically deal with my body catching up with that.

Those close to me knew, and reminded me that maybe it wasn’t so bad, maybe it didn’t mean I was miscarrying. But deep down, I knew the truth. I had felt this babe come, and then I had felt him go, and I was not surprised. However, I still encountered my own denial. After a few days of spotting, and of questioning, I reached my edge. The “change” needed to happen. I let go…of this pregnancy, of who I dreamt this baby was and who he might have been, and I felt the inevitable. Changing Woman did indeed hold my hand, and I entered into another female initiation, that of death.

And the physical change brought strength. Mental and emotional strength, the ability to walk through once again. Knowing that change has to happen, that Changing Woman brings us closer to our true selves, that the Change is really a shedding of skin. The fear that comes as well can be inevitable, but it is not without benefit.

If nothing else, this Change is one that we should all recognize more. I found myself not wanting to share, although initially this was probably appropriate. I feel that one of the changes I would like to activate among women is this initiation of miscarriage or loss. As women, we seem to hold this guilt and responsibility that is above and beyond what is appropriate. We talk about births and breastfeeding but are all more hesitant to talk about when things don’t end happily. It isn’t my goal to focus on that, but to give it the worth that is due.

As women, as mothers, we are Changing Woman. We embody her, yet we look to her (and each other) for support and guidance. May you all find your way, lovingly, through the initiation that makes you a woman, that which is your ultimate gift and strength. Know that Changing Woman is there for you too, to hold your hand, and lead you to the other side. Wishing you “ancient strength” and blessings….