You may know not your strength…yet. But I do. And I want to tell you that you are not only strong, but capable of anything. Anything at all. You will know this to be true once you have gone through the initiation of labor and birth. But since you aren’t there quite yet, I want to let you in on a few things.

First, please consider your beliefs about birth. Let your memory roam, remember words and pictures and stories that give you some hints about what you already know. It can be hard when the mainstream world has so much fear and disbelief about natural birth, but sometimes we absorb some of these things even though we think we haven’t.

Deep deep down…what do you believe about birth to be true? Is there somewhere, hiding down below, that thinks you can’t do this? That your body isn’t perfect to birth this baby, that you need help or someone to do it for you? In the safety of your own mind and soul, find what is true for you. If these deep beliefs are unsettling to you, or scare you, know that you are not alone. Birth is an unknown for the first-timer, and there are always doubts. But, know that you have the time and space to change these beliefs. In the months preceeding labor, it is possible to sincerely alter what you believe. Acknowledge now that they can and will affect your labor, for better or for worse, but that they are not permanent.

I am perfect and whole and can birth this baby easily at home. My body is made to birth and my baby is made to be born.

Next, consider assessing the “skeletons in the closet” that may be lurking. The biggest one-sexual issues, history or sexual abuse, or anything of the like. Even if your memories are from long ago, check your feelings on this one. How does it make you feel to see birth as a sexual event? Of course, not every woman has to see it this way to have a normal or joyful birth. However, the avoidance of admitting this is a possibility for your body may be a clue that you need to pay attention. Birth is the extension of conception-both literally and figuratively. The sensations and energy in birth and babymaking are so similar-both involve opening up, surrendering, and remaining relaxed to receive bodily sensations that could easily be interpreted as “pain” by someone who is not able to receive or relax.

I surrender to the sensations and I am open to feeling this baby move through me and I open my body to allow this to happen-easily and effortlessly.

Midwives are not psychotherapists-so I won’t pretend to be one-but I have seen that there are some key components to a first-timers birth that “flows”. Do you trust yourself, your body? Some women do, unconditionally. Many, many women do not. Where this comes from…who knows exactly…maybe our parents, our experiences in the medical world, our entrance into womanhood, our sexual experience/issues (there’s that again!) Think back on these experiences. Was your body sabotaging itself? Or is it possible to see that, even in the face of trauma or chaos, your body did make the “right” choice, or perhaps was trying to convey a message to you? I believe that a true trust in the body is perhaps the key. Not always to a “perfect” birth (whatever that is) but to acceptance of the process and the outcome.

Now, to the obvious but necessary encouragement. Women have been birthing babies forever, really. At any given moment, hundreds of thousands of women are doing just that-birthing babies in fields, at home, in the hospital, in cars, in trains, in planes. At the simplest level, it is a respectable process. Not perfect, but nearly so…And there is no reason that YOU should be any different. Especially if you are healthy and your baby is healthy-there is little reason to believe that birth will do anything but flow beautifully–especially if you do your part, of course.

Last but not least, find your center. Find your religion, your God, your Goddess, whatever can ground you and center you. Birth is the work of mysticism, no matter what your beliefs are–it is amazing and changeable and mysterious. Sometimes we can’t put our finger on why or how things happen, but we do our part and trust in Divinity that all is as it should be. We do our work around birth, we believe in ourselves and our bodies and our babies, and then we let it all go. Birth does not work through the mind, anyway, but the heart and soul. The experiences we have in birth, whether “positive” or “negative” aren’t 100% a reflection of our inner state. A lot of the time, they are, but we can’t neglect that there are lessons to be learned (some of which we resist learning) AND that the baby in our body has his OWN soul and mission in this world. We do everything we can to do our part to ensure we get the birth we “want”-but really, we get the birth we need.

I am beautiful and powerful. I embrace this. I am open and receptive to birth, and I acknowledge that I cannot control the process but that it will flow just as it needs to.

I serve my clients and nothing more.

And that’s the irony; being threatened with not being able to serve women here in Arizona, but at the same time gaining so much empowerment and clarity about what “serving” means and how no one, ever can truly take that away from me. So the “threat” as a subtle reminder every few days, whether it comes from my own mind/fear or actual documents I need to compile for my team of lawyers. Yet, interspersed with the most amazing, beautiful births that I have ever had the honor of witnessing. These women that astound me their power. And I realize, it is all as it should be. It isn’t really “irony”-it’s more the Universe showing me what’s real. The monkey-work that midwives are supposed to do…not real. The thinking that licensing does anything at all beneficial for birth…not real. Women that can birth their own babies and allow me to support them…real. The fact that there IS birth without fear, and that this is my goal…real.

There is no regulation, no rule that can make me into the midwife that THEY want me to be. The women call, and to them I listen.

At these births, the midwife is one with the woman. There is no need to intervene or interfere or do ANYTHING at all for my own selfish reasons, my own benefit, the rules and regulations. Because the woman tells me what she needs and wants; or rather, in our connectedness, she rarely needs to utter a word. Most of the time it is just to hold that space. That sacred, sacred space that is otherworldly and knows not of unwarranted blood pressure readings, or cervical checks or anything at all that is not requested or desired by the woman. There is no space for that in this world, and one of the last births I witnessed brought confirmation of this fact.

Women (in general) have forgotten what birth really is. So, those that control (typically men, but not always) found a way to control one of the few things in this life that is uncontrollable–birth. And while they were at it, developing all these rules and regulations about what birth is and what it must always look like, women forgot they had power and knowledge and accepted this control.

That’s the short story as to how we got where we are now. Women are allowing their births to be controlled, hence the licensing of midwives and the subjectivity of birth and midwives to the Western medical (fear) system. And midwives are no better. This legal/State situation has taught me the Truth. Many midwives, especially here, will laugh and cackle. They think I am in some dream state about birth, but I have been shown the Truth. It’s that women don’t need us. Women do not need me. Not really, and not mostly. Our “titles” as midwives, whatever relationship or status we think we hold in the medical world is false. Because we are not medicine men, we are not doctors; and everything that has been built around the idea that birth is medical is false and needs to crumble. I see women waking up and I pray that we watch it crumble before our daughters are at their birth-times.

A beautiful story illustrates my point. Gorgeous, perfect birth recently. Like many of the women I serve, this is not a “client”, she is a sister in spirit and soul. The most meaningful insightful thing came from her mother, who had witnessed the birth. She told me, that she had never, ever considered that birth could be so unhindered. She was flabbergasted, amazed at her daughter’s raw strength and intuition to birth her baby without any interference. She (having known me for several years now) commented that at first she was nervous..she wanted to be reassured that everything was “OK”. She wanted me to “do” something. Caught off guard by the lack of my physical and spiritual interference in her daughter’s labor, she too had to learn to trust. She too, at her age, learned to trust in birth. She too, had to tune into the laboring woman to look for clues. It brought tears to my eyes when she said, “I did not know birth could happen without someone’s hand up there or near there”.

It was then I realized that slowly, generation by generation, we have lost what birth is.

Being quite the intelligent woman, this grandmother/mother could also see the ripple effect that the birth had had on both her daughter and new grandbaby. In contrast to her daughter’s previous birth, this time she did not witness trauma and interference because of ego (and YES, it was a homebirth!)…she also did not witness any drama. She did not witness any bleeding, tearing or excessive healing time like last time. Putting the pieces together in her head, it was still crazy to her that all the “nothing” this time equalled “something”. She saw her daughter, I think, in a whole new light. As an even more radiant and amazing being who did her work, her personal journey, to enable herself to trust SO much that her body knew nothing but how to birth perfectly and efficiently.

It’s that simple. We do our work as women, we work through our fears and issues because we know THAT is what holds us back from blissful birth. And as midwives, we attend to THAT process, and simply step out of the way when it’s birth-time. There are no rules and numbers that can quantify how simple and how beautiful and perfect birth is nearly every time we leave fear behind. Let’s find ways to bring women back to this; the fear-control system that has risen up stands no chance against a fearless, powerful woman in charge of her birth.

The one thing about her, probably the only thing, that I did not like was she seemed to be a little possessive about the moms she cared for. At first, it was kind of cool to be part of this “club”. But, the farther I got from her care, I realized that her words made me uncomfortable. I didn’t notice this until after I had birthed my baby gloriously at home; and I think this makes sense. Once I experienced that, I realized I could do anything! I wasn’t anybody’s “mama” or “patient”. I practically birthed the baby before the midwife even got there, and I don’t feel now like I probably needed her there at all. But I learned a lot. Many things, as I mentioned, that I carry with me to this day. But her use of language, her ownership of these mamas and their babes and their births, it something I have intentionally gone out of my way to not re-create as I work with women.

So, “work with women”…maybe there is even a more empowered way to say that. “Walk with women”? I tend to use that too. I hate the use of the word “practice” ( I am not “practicing” on someone, and I do not have a doctor’s office!) unless I am talking to another midwife or “professional”. Probably the worst (and this wasn’t one my midwife used, but I hate it nonetheless) is “deliver”. I tend to visibly cringe when people use that word, or gently correct a family member who wants to praise me for “delivering” their granddaughter. I usually laugh, and make purposeful reference to the dad or whomever else might have “received” the baby.

Words are so powerful. What I use or engage in affects not only these women and their families but also myself. It truly affects my role with these families, the space I create, and the “deep down” reason that I am there. Deep down, it is to witness. To witness transformation, to witness a soul coming earthside, to witness a ceremony. To belittle any of this to “doing a birth” is just not who I am, or the kind of energy that I want to put forth as a midwife.

Because to me, as a woman, it is essential that the mamas and babes receive every bit of support and love that reminds them they have everything they need. My role is not to prescribe or diagnose, but to guide and support. I do think that I tend to see mostly beautiful births because of this attitude (and aside from the fact that birth works, as long as we don’t get in the way!) and because the women that seek me as their midwife already feel this way. They are not looking for me to own them, or make decisions for them. I may be her midwife but she is not mine; we are a team working to create the vision that she will “birth”.

Just weeks from being due, we decided to work together. This mama, new to town and without much. Exuding a confidence and earthiness about birth that I wish I saw more often. Feeling instantly good about this connection and this birth, I looked forward to getting to know her.

There was no prenatal care, per se. Not in the 2 1/2 weeks from when we met to birth. A few meetings, where we’d talk about birth and babies, how she envisioned this birth and a lesson here and there about the “technical things”-listening to the baby’s heartbeat and talking about baby’s position. The getting together of supplies and was expected of me. Not as “midwife” but guide. No records, no charts, no tests. Lots of talking and information, but nothing that would confine either of us to boundaries of the “system”. A true blessing to have this opportunity, for she and I. Birth as it used to be. One woman helping another, but leaving the decisions and responsibility 100% up to her.

Unexpected development 3 weeks prior to the “due date”. A releasing of the waters, a true gush. No contractions. One of the tests of courage, of trust and faith. On both of our parts, and of the baby as well. One day…turned into 2….than 3…when finally some contractions on the 4th day. Explicit instructions on preventing infection, and a downright refusal in both of our minds to even think about any kind of internal exam. We talked about the risks, looked at the studies we could both find, and kept going. This mama, so strong and intuitive, realized the situation she was in. After facing her fear, she even said to me, “So, if I go into the hospital to be induced, I’m just trading these risks in for a different set, right?” She could not have said it better, and I completely supported her decision to wait it out or go in for antibiotics and/or an induction. However, never was it as clear to me how strong a baby’s presence can be before birth. Realizing that this baby did not want to be forced out just because of some rule, but rules aside–the mama’s choice remained to wait, watch and see. She taught me so much, and in her I found the strength and common sense to remain fearless. Not that birth is perfect; we must realize that death is on the other side. But that risk of death is only made more real to us when we are presented with these kinds of situations….sure, she COULD get an infection, but with careful attention to hygiene and signs and symptoms, she likely would not. It made me see, once again, how clearly infused with fear that the medical world is. Even as midwives, we must serve women among this fear; and sometimes it is debilitating.

So, by the fourth night there were contractions. Nothing serious, and nothing terribly new as she had been having contractions on and off the last few weeks. At 4:30 am the next morning, she texted me to say things were intensifying. When asked to come over an hour later, I did so to find her laboring beautifully in bed. The 3 hours that followed were beautiful and magical; we greeted the desert sun together outside, sitting in the sand. I helped her to the shower, or threw down a blue pad when she changed positions. She never asked me to listen to the baby, and it all felt right. I could see the baby moving between contractions, and her communication with this babe throughout was a great testament to paying attention to that versus any heart rate monitor.

I busied myself with getting her supplies in order, and tried to linger longer outside her bedroom to give her what I think is much needed space while in labor. When asked, I’d make a suggestion and basically just kept encouraging her. That it probably wouldn’t be much longer, and that she was doing an amazing job.

As the labor came to it’s last bit, I sat outside in the bright sunlight, right outside her room. A close friend had come, and I thought that their time alone might finish off this labor business! I practiced the art of listening, rather than watching a woman labor. I heard the familiar sounds, even the words she said, and felt the timing of re-entering the space. Sure, enough, as I walked in, she told me the baby was coming. Throwing down another towel near her, I kneeled down to her baby’s head beginning to emerge.

Looking spaced-out, yet focused and completely calm, I asked her to reach down and feel her baby’s head. I asked her to let the head emerge gently and to then wait for the baby to turn and get her shoulders out before bringing her up. At the same time, I reached for the camera and got some pretty amazing shots of the baby’s head out, with a bright blue, pulsing cord. After about a minute of rest, the rest of the baby was born. Instead of lifting her right up, she placed the baby down in front of her. It only took a couple of seconds before she picked her up..”my baby, my baby”. Pink and perfect and wonderful, sweet one. Born peacefully at home with only her mama to thank. The way birth should be. Not necessarily perfect (well, in clinical terms, anyway!) but absolutely perfect, really.

Anyone that doesn’t think that babies PICK their birth date and time, well, I don’t know what to say about that! It takes these perfect little souls to remind me, time and time again, that the timing and way of birth is always perfect.

And so this mama moves on…turns out she was only passing through, on her way to somewhere else, only stopping in our tiny town to birth her daughter. I will miss this mama and baby; though only a short time elapsed, the effect this has had on my heart is long lasting.

Last night, as closing to my quiet/meditation time, I felt called to draw one of my Goddess cards. There are at least 45 cards in this deck, and it never ceases to amaze me how just the right one, the absolute most perfect card is always drawn. My usual intention when drawing is that I choose the goddess who has something to say to me in my life right now, the one who’s advice I could benefit from the most. I realized rather quickly the myraid of ways that this card is meaningful to me right now and I wanted to share with you what Changing Woman has shown me, both as a mother and a midwife.

First, and most importantly, was the realization that -wow-I really am being initiated here, I really am totally in my being and purpose in this world and that yes, this I am coming into my true-ness as a woman in ways I never dreamed of. Being a midwife is just the tip of the iceberg, really. I’ve always known that I am meant to do this, birth babies and be witness to other women birthing babies. I do truly know that it is inevitable for me to be part of the life cycle.

What I didn’t know, at least until recently, is how full and varied my role on this path really is. For better or for worse, my role as midwife goes beyond the birthing of babies. I am shown each day, with this legal battle, that I am living my truth. It would have been easier, it would have been nicer to just back down and ignore the adversity, to just bury my head in the sand to all the political-ness of this calling, and ignore it. But I could not do that. And I will not do that. I have never been so sure in my life that this “change” is who I really am. Not combative, but responsive. And able to see that my true dedication is to these mamas and to myself. Not the government or really anything else.

I am being shown the ancient story, the real meaning of midwife, and I am in the midst of so many changes to be able to fully acknowledge her. There is no where in my life right now where Changing Woman could be anymore appropriate. And thanks to all the peripheral drama, I am indeed finding the wisdom and strength. I am not sorry that any of this has occurred, if anything, I am grateful for the opportunity to find myself even more completely. I do not know exactly where all this change will bring me, but I know that I am supported and protected. Changing Woman has the wisdom to see that it is not about her versus any opponent. It is about her coming into her ultimate woman form, knowing that any and all “opponents” will be unable to stand the truth and light that emanate from that perfection.

There is nothing I need to “do”, other than fully be present in this “ceremony” of finding my way either through, in or above “the system”. Thank you, Changing Woman.

On a different note, there has been some physical change in my life as well lately and I have appreciated the support of Changing Woman. I hadn’t had a postpartum bleed after Belgium was born (she’s 14 months) and I actually haven’t bled at all in 5 years!!! Seriously. From one pregnancy to nursing to the next pregnancy. I had forgotten what having a period was like!

Well, that all changed about a month ago. I had a vivid dream of getting pregnant, actually birthing this baby boy that came out with his clothes on! The next week, I dreamt again, but this time of miscarrying, of bleeding and bleeding. My dreams tend to be prophetic, but not always. However, I felt the truth in these two dreams. Sure enough, my expected date for my period came and went. And went. Knowing I was or had been pregnant, but truly not feeling very pregnant, other than this heaviness. Oh, the changes. Not ones I necessarily wanted to experience….eventually started to spot, for several days, knowing what “change” lay ahead and going through all the stages of grief. This weird journey of knowing there really was no longer a baby there, yet having to physically deal with my body catching up with that.

Those close to me knew, and reminded me that maybe it wasn’t so bad, maybe it didn’t mean I was miscarrying. But deep down, I knew the truth. I had felt this babe come, and then I had felt him go, and I was not surprised. However, I still encountered my own denial. After a few days of spotting, and of questioning, I reached my edge. The “change” needed to happen. I let go…of this pregnancy, of who I dreamt this baby was and who he might have been, and I felt the inevitable. Changing Woman did indeed hold my hand, and I entered into another female initiation, that of death.

And the physical change brought strength. Mental and emotional strength, the ability to walk through once again. Knowing that change has to happen, that Changing Woman brings us closer to our true selves, that the Change is really a shedding of skin. The fear that comes as well can be inevitable, but it is not without benefit.

If nothing else, this Change is one that we should all recognize more. I found myself not wanting to share, although initially this was probably appropriate. I feel that one of the changes I would like to activate among women is this initiation of miscarriage or loss. As women, we seem to hold this guilt and responsibility that is above and beyond what is appropriate. We talk about births and breastfeeding but are all more hesitant to talk about when things don’t end happily. It isn’t my goal to focus on that, but to give it the worth that is due.

As women, as mothers, we are Changing Woman. We embody her, yet we look to her (and each other) for support and guidance. May you all find your way, lovingly, through the initiation that makes you a woman, that which is your ultimate gift and strength. Know that Changing Woman is there for you too, to hold your hand, and lead you to the other side. Wishing you “ancient strength” and blessings….

My mantra of “do nothing, say nothing, be nothing” is put to the test as I observe each and everything that occurs at a birth as either a potential benefit to the laboring mom or a potential detriment. I see so clearly now how the cascade effect of fear and disconnect can happen at a birth, and how I can so quickly become a part of that. In watching this mama labor yesterday, and being extra cautious about everything I did or said, I realized how bad at it I can be! It is so easy to talk and explain and feed your own ego about what you are “doing” for this mama. It is so much harder to hang back, go do the wash or cook, to just smile or utter a few quiet words, to not suggest or add or explain.

As birth workers, it seems we are trained to “do” and that we must untrain this doing-ness. “Being” is harder to train in someone, harder and more elusive to get a certification in. “Being” at birth means that we put ourselves aside, we refrain from anything at all that is really being done for our own satisfaction or for the satisfaction of anyone but the mama. Without all the “doing” we can feel lost at first. We realize that so much of what we think is “help” to the laboring mama is really just ourselves wanting to feel useful, or smart or worthy. I find, even in myself, that the examples are endless. The couple words too many, the eye contact, the in and out of the room. With a normal, healthy labor at home, the less the better. Every word I say or anything I do has the potential to draw the mama out of her element. To distract her, to engage her brain and possibly to engage fear, even if that was never my intention. On the positive side, my energetic contribution can be more powerful and supportive than words. The fearlessness and confidence I have in birth, and in her, can be in the room with us and not be about me. But about supporting and witnessing her as she undergoes this transformation.

Because, especially as birth workers, we must all acknowledge that we can’t really do anything for her, after all. We can pretend like we can, that what we are offering her is something better than what she can give herself, even when we have the best intentions. But Birth is a one-woman journey. I believe that we can be there to support her, and forge a relationship with her that is based on trust and friendship. But, when it comes down to it, at the end of the day (or labor, as the case is), there is NO ONE but her that can do it. And the more I focus on being with her, the easier it is for her to find her way. It almost seems counterintuitive; the more helpful words, the more back rubs and offering of herbs or other things to “help” her- the louder the message and feeling is to her that she needs help.

I notice that I benefit from just “being” as well. I spent these last two labors at a distance (in the same house) from these mamas and began to fine tune the art of my listening skills at births. Yes, watching is an art too, but listening, especially with a wall between you and tell and teach a lot. So, in engaging my “being” and not my “doing” I am also honing my other senses, and my sixth sense as well. There is a connection, an intuitive strengthening that I feel and can honor when I am in this space. And I think it no coincidence that these 2 births in particular have been the epitome of the way birth flows–I know, in my deep knowing, that while I am not responsible for her ultimate experience, that I have been chosen to be there. Just by being with her, I have the ability to either let the process flow with her or hold it back.

I think back to my student days and I realize I have always held these deep beliefs about birth. I was always happy hanging back, not wanting to get in the way so much that I am positively sure that my preceptors thought I’d never want to take the reigns. And in a way, I don’t and never have. That’s not the kind I am. Funny, one preceptor in particular admonished me more than once, with disdain in her voice, telling me that I’d be the kind of midwife that knit in the corner. Well, I don’t knit, but I think she got it! I thank her for her astuteness, but no longer make any apologies. To each her own! And for every woman, another woman that supports her birth vision.

As for me, I will continue to watch, listen and learn. Every minute, every labor, every mama. To put myself to the test each and every time that I am adding to her experience–not for my own self worth, but to reflect to her the power she already holds in birth.

When a woman trusts her body, all else pales in comparison.

Yeah, this goes without saying. But in the realm of homebirth, I get to witness this firsthand. Her trust in her body doesn’t mean that things work out perfectly; it means that she hears what her body is saying, what her baby is saying and does not question it. When a woman is in tune this way, it makes any “monitoring” I could possibly do pretty useless. And I am happy for it. When a woman really trusts her body, birth ebbs and flows the way it should without need for alarm or concern over how “long” things are taking. Dilation and that sort of thing become irrelevant, becomes the mama knows it will take as long as it takes for her body to open and birth her baby. When a woman has such trust in her body, I can sit back and watch her follow her own intuition. It is so clear that she KNOWS better than anyone, that she is able to follow exactly where she is leading herself. My job is to be whatever she needs, or just watch. Call me lazy, but I like to just watch.

Babies really do have their own plan.

One babe this month came really early. One came really late. I don’t know the reasons, necessarily, but we have to remember that these babies know what they are doing. A younger soul does not mean an inferior soul by any stretch. I witnessed the most incredible things done by babies this month-from initiating labor in an almost funny circumstance to having the most incredible, Divine timing that, without, could have been really serious. And yet another born in his amniotic sac; the most auspicious of signs. Just who are we to think we know anything at all? If anybody does, the babies do. Choosing their mamas and dads, and shaping and molding their births to be born JUST the way they want to.

Pushing is overrated.

Maybe after saying that the body will open up, we should let mamas know that their bodies will gently nudge the baby down and out (or in some cases, more forcefully “nudge” the baby down and out!). I’d love to retire the word “pushing” from birth vocabulary. Honestly, I didn’t believe it for so long. But now I do believe that nothing needs to be forced to “push” the baby out. If there’s not an urge, then wait for one. Being completely open (dilated) does not mean that it is “time to push”! And pushing happens gradually sometimes. It takes a while for the baby to get just the right flexion of the head, the mama’s tissues stretch and then rest. The mama and baby work together in this most beautiful dance to guide the baby out. It is really like a dance. And on the practical side, the most positive way to allow the tissues to stretch, and for baby’s head to mold. Often, the opening phase of labor just melts into this part. Gently, gradually.

It’s about having patience.

See, outside of the birth world, I don’t think I have much patience at all. And I admit, I can be tempted to think of all the ways to speed up a labor too when I’m exhausted and needing to nurse my own baby and miss my kids, etc. I realize that even at homebirths, there are a lot of “natural tools” used to speed things up. And I realize how I am really against all that. I have my collection of stuff too–some herbs, homeopathics, essential oils, etc. I know these things are available and that if I use them it must be judiciously. But for the first time, I saw how interventive these things can be, even with good intentions. Because in using them, you might realize that really, you’re trying to move things along. (And this goes for mamas too, in their own labors! It’s hard to be patient.) 2 of the births I attended would most definitely have been “augmented” by lots of others–and I’m not “bragging” from a place of me being a “better” birth attendant–there’s no proof of that at all, and some could argue I should have helped move things along for one reason or another. But I could not shake the fact that by using some of these tools (the most severe which could have been breaking the waters) I was disrupting the Divine flow. I could not get out of my head how altering the course of this baby’s entrance could be pricey–I pictured these babes having this knowing, this precise array of movements through the pelvis that I might be disrupting with any one of my “harmless” ideas. Sure, there are and will be times when a baby may need to get out faster than the process allows. But that’s rare. In the meantime, let’s leave it alone. Ask yourself if you are trying to fix something that isn’t broken, or wanting more progress because you are bored or tired. It’s a hard one, for sure. But being present at births this month has driven home that it is worth it to let labor flow as it needs to.

Mamas can be empowered; even if birth doesn’t turn out the way they thought it would.

Very many lessons this month in surrendering and letting go. Women make their own path to empowerment; I am mirror, I am witness and nothing more. It’s not my thing, other than being there with them to hold the space that empowerment brings. I adore these women; and this month these mamas floored me with their determination and dedication to making their own choices. Some of these choices were really hard, and went against everything they thought would happen. But, in the face of it all, these women stood up and took responsibility. I am humbled and honored to see these mamas embrace and understand their power. And in addition, respect that of the babies they bring into this world. Teaching me once again that we do not know what we will get in birth. We trust our bodies to tell us what we need to know, and we know that birth is to respected; not feared or even blindly trusted, but respected. We honor ourselves and our bodies in the processes of pregnancy and birth. And we choose our power over everything else.

I am the guide, the protector of the experience, of this woman’s path. I am continually reminded that I am not in charge, I am not able to control or affect change in the way that it might be viewed. Lots of surrendering these past few months. Surrendering so that I can really hear these babies, so that I can really see and feel what these women are going through. Not that I can do anything about it, and not that I want to or even should. I provide the best care, both physical and emotional that I possibly can. I am invested in each and every woman in a way I never thought possible. But, ultimately what “Happens” is left up to the Universe and I am always being reminded of that fact.

Yes, this is how I approach things most days. But, truthfully, some days I get burnt out, just like every other midwife does at times. And I enjoy these times too because it really simplifies things for me. For a minute, I don’t see everything as part of a spiritual journey but I see these women and babies and myself as just plain human. A normal, healthy pregnant woman is perfectly capable of growing a baby and getting that baby out with her own body. I like this simplicity because it reminds me of just that; birth is really simple. And since some women very much approach it this way, I relish seeing it that way too. Labor is just another day; mama’s body starts to think about getting the baby out, works hard, trusts in her body, and the baby comes out! It’s just as simple as that.

For me, it is the melding of these two sides of myself that make me the midwife I am. At least right now. I love learning new skills, and practicing new skills; whether it is a “technical” skill or textbook piece of knowledge or one that comes from another, older and intuitive place. I love that the midwife I am right now is not the one I will be next week. Or next year. These mamas force me to grow and change and reconsider what I previously thought as true all the time. This is an amazing gift.

I think this “mix” is also a great mode of thought for pregnant women to share in as well. There’s so much practicality in the medical world surrounding birth; this we know and see. Women come to midwifery care to escape some of that. But then there is also the more “spiritual midwifery” view to work in as well. I see these two worlds melding to help a pregnant woman see her strength, her power and potential. There are days and times we NEED to hear the practical. We need to know how the body works, or where we are in labor, etc. It’s OK for her to not feel very intuitive sometimes. We all need to work together if a true medical emergency presents itself. To me, this is the ideal combination. Not only focused on the physical, but not only focused on the spiritual. A constant dance.

I’ve been hosting monthly group prenatal “classes” for these mamas I serve. I love seeing them together, I know they love being together and it is the perfect space and example of this combination. Those that feel drawn are asked to offer a blessing to the mamas that are due soon. We watch birth movies and talk about how things work; whether it’s the body or how to set up a waterbirth tub! Then there’s the random group discussion, where I think many of the mamas are starting to feel safe enough to really share. And whether it’s sharing a fear they have or just a question, it is amazing to see. That we ARE this combination. We are practical, we are information-seeking. We know that babies come out. But we also share in the mystery of birth, the thoughts and feelings that are harder to put into words. We know this journey is an initiation, and we seek the company of others.

All in all, I love this approach because this teaches these mamas that they know how to mother as well. That being a mama is all about the balance; the practical and the “knowing”. That we are all a blend of these things, and that we can find our way through almost anything knowing this.

Well, I don’t think any male could get his thoughts about homebirth down on paper as eloquently as my husband. He’s been by my side from the first (hospital) birth through the subsequent 4 homebirths, and I would agree, it has made him a changed man. We both marvel over how far we feel we’ve come with taking responsibility for our lives, and we both agree that birthing at home was the absolute first step for us in reclaiming this power. I am grateful that I never had to be in convincing mode-we walked every step of the way together, weighing the pros and cons.

His words are beautiful, graceful, and will touch your heart. They will either remind you why you’re a committed homebirther; or they will respectfully plant the seed (for anyone, male or female) of homebirth.

This is a great book for so many that need to hear these words–however, this is not a factual or statistical book that attempts to “convince” anyone of anything at all. It’s not anti-hospital or close-minded in the other direction either. It is a powerful yet simple reminder to get in touch with where the power lies–in all of us.

I’d suggest this book for not only expectant parents, but even those not pregnant yet. It is never too early to know your options! Doulas, midwives and other birth professionals should have a copy as well; I plan on using it specifically in the interview process if the couple is divided/unsure, etc. about where they stand on homebirth.

Because the truth is, it’s nice if everybody involved is wholeheartedly committed and responsible to homebirth. This means the baby’s mom and dad work together to see and envision the same birth dream.

Thanks to my husband, I believe that couples have a great chance at seeing that after reading this together.

Read and watch more here.