The midwife-mama relationship. It’s not (in my opinion) like choosing a doctor, or a dentist.
To me, the process of deciding to work with a client is pretty complex. I’m not trying to sound haughty or judgmental here, as if there is only a certain caliber or class of woman I will work with. That is not it all. Rather, it is the opposite. I have been blessed by the Universe with the experience and knowledge to know that there are women out there that I MUST serve. They somehow MUST choose me to walk with them, and there is no way I could possibly deny them care. Truly, the Divine guidance that we are blessed with takes over and I am honored to be with these women. A great example of this is a woman that called me last year. I talked with her briefly, and really had a good feeling about her. However, I was “due” to take a vacation around her due date, so I told her that and gave her some other numbers to call. Well, she did call the other Sedona midwives but a month later called me again. Suffice it to say that we decided to work together, and I think our love for each other is mutual. It is for these women that I do what I do. That I am happy to sacrifice vacations for, because it was so clear that we were supposed to walk this road together! It sounds a little over the top, and maybe too new-agey for some. But I absolutely love the women I serve. I feel an intimate connection with them and their families that is evident to me on a spiritual plane immediately. This is just how I am a midwife. I will never be the one with the front desk, or the answering service. When a woman hires me, it is because we both feel it to be the only choice, and I am hers for the course of her pregnancy (and often longer:)
This passion can sometimes make it interesting. In a world where finances rule, I have a hard time explaining myself. That’s because I also have a strong belief in my service being worthy financially. I think Sedona midwives (and midwives in general) charge a modest fee for the 10+ months of work, and I don’t believe myself to be an exception. I take pride in what I do, and I also believe that money can create all kinds of excuses for things people don’t really want to do anyway. So, I refuse to convince anyone to do a homebirth and refuse to be in “contest” of who can offer the cheapest midwifery services and thereby be the “busiest” midwife. I am just not interested in quantity-only quality. If I get the feeling that a woman is only trying to search out the cheapest care (and I have had women challenge me with the fact that their health insurance (which I likely don’t accept) means I am competing with an expense an eighth of what I charge, I tell them I am not interested. I know I am not the midwife for people that are ONLY concerned with money. If another midwife that is $500 less is really giving a woman cause for a lot of undecidedness, I say she go with the cheaper choice. I have no interest in being the cheaper alternative.
That said, I am compassionate and understanding when it comes to money issues. If I encounter what I call a great midwife-mama match, and I feel an underlying trust, and my intuition tells me all is well, I will work with a woman financially. I will barter and trade with her. I will do everything I can to help her, knowing that her commitment to herself, her baby and to birth is strong and unwavering. For these women I consider my “sisters’, I will do whatever makes sense. It’s that simple.
So, to me, choosing a midwife has nothing at all to do with money. And everything to do with personality, intuition and a deeper connection. Money is simply a sign of respect and commitment, but an issue that can be worked out between people that trust one another. Of course, not all midwives feel this way, and not all mamas are looking for anything other than a nice person that seems to know her stuff. I suppose my feelings on the matter account for the fact that I don’t feel competition with the other local midwives. I honestly don’t. My only concern is to make my name and resources available enough that the women I should work with walk my way. That we find each other. There is no competition between anyone for anything when women are informed and can make their own choices.
And that there is, as the saying goes, a midwife for every woman and a woman for every midwife.
